Life Partnership

By Georgine Nash 
Co-founder of the Parenting Network

Let's face it, young couples have many responsibilities that weigh heavily on them. Some of the most pressing include child rearing, making a living, and generally providing for the family's various needs. Parents work hard outside the home, and when they come home, have to continue working hard looking after the needs of their children.

Very often the partners' relationship and the time they spend together get pushed into the background, and they have trouble keeping their relationship healthy and vibrant. There's no time to nurture their love and their "life partnership." Gone are the intimate dinners for two or the hours spent pursuing the common interests that drew them together in the first place. With all the couple's energy spent elsewhere, there's none left over to maintain the special spark that keeps a relationship vital.

More and more young couples are discovering and complaining about these problems. They feel discouraged and helpless, trapped in a pattern they believe can't be changed. So it's not surprising that in Canadian society today more than one third of marriages end in divorce.

Sadly, many people accept this situation as normal and inevitable, especially compared with our grandparents' time when divorce was unthinkable, even if the couple was miserable together. Ironically, most couples, including those divorcing, will say that their goal in marrying wasn't just to prevent becoming unhappy, but to have the closest, most fulfilling relationship of their lives, a "life partner."

So is this goal achievable? The answer is yes, but in order to succeed, time and effort must be set aside to sustain this most important primary relationship. Parents can set the best example for their children when they act upon the love that ties them to each other. After all, harmony, mutual respect and unconditional love within the family start with the parents' relationship. And it makes sense that a happy, satisfied, fulfilled wife and husband will be a more effective and loving mother and father. Another benefit: coping with the challenges of everyday life becomes easier when parents feel secure and happy in their own relationship.

So, what can a couple do to create this "life partner" attitude?

Here are a few ideas that might be helpful:

1. What You Can Do:

• Share a minimum of three hugs a day
• Find occasions to say to your partner: "I'm so glad we have each other!"
• Find at least five to ten minutes per day to exchange personal feelings and ideas
• Have open dialogue with each other
• Listen to each other's feelings
• Don't avoid differences of opinions, but do deal with them in the spirit of mutual respect
• Avoid the "hurt cycle"-when let-downs or disappointments occur, don't stay hurt either by distancing yourself or lashing back
• Never go to bed angry with each other

2. The Attitudes Involved:

• Our love is never in question; it's unconditional and will never dissolve
• The joy of our partnership and family outweighs the hassles and disappointments that life presents
• We maintain "dual respect," that is, we respect our partner as well as ourselves
• No matter what challenges we have to face, we will handle them

Georgine is the co-founder of the Parenting Network and a grandmother of 6. She also served as director for parent education for the Alfred Adler Institute of Ontario. She is an active member Of NASAP and former co-chair of its Family Education Section. She has been teaching parenting classes, including leadership training for parent study group leaders, for 40 years.

Parenting Network provides you with the life skills necessary to raise caring, cooperative and responsible children. Their parenting courses are invigorating and fun, making learning a whole lot easier. For more information about Parenting Network, please visit their website at www.parentingnetwork.ca or call 416-480-2499.